Dear God.
You know me; I’m a fan of America, the land of the free. A place where you can go shopping in stores that pump their aftershave through the air-conditioning. A country that loves to batter and deep-fry almost anything. A people that love to think that because of my Australian heritage, I somehow know someone they met once who lives in Sydney…
“You sure you don’t know him?……. Darren…… he lives in Sydney…… oh you must know him…… he’s a mechanic…… nice guy…….. I’ll ask him if he knows you…… great guy, lots of fun…….. can drink me under a table…….. good times…….. Darren………. A mechanic from Sydney?……. You Sure?.... Real nice guy……..”
But of all the majestic beauty the ‘United States’ has to offer……. Why, oh why… do they believe in tipping!!!!!.
Don’t get me wrong….. if you treat me nice, I’ll treat you nice as well. God, you know I have problems with keeping money in my wallet.
But when I have to hand over 16% to a 15 year old waitress called ‘Shamona’ who has gotten my order wrong on 3 occasions, and had the ordacity to protest that it was me that ordered the ‘Sweet & Sour Duck’, and not the ‘Hawaiian Chicken Platter’ and huff her way back to the kitchen to tell the 16 year old chef to spit in my dinner…. I kinda gotta hold my ground a bit. (Spitting claim is not confirmed, and was only used for comedic purposes…… no law suit from ‘Rolanda’s Bird Shack’ is necessary)
So when it came time to call for the ‘Cheque’….. I gave her a few extra bucks and got up and decided to leave the store. As I made my way out the door, I could hear ‘Shamona’ rant and rave, calling me a few nasties, as if singing some Alanis Morrissette song about angst, and charge after me like the ‘running of the bulls’, to get her ‘expected’ 5 extra dollars.
I turned, and finally let loose, as if I was ‘John McEnroe’ after having his serve called ‘out’. It was like a scene out of ‘Maury Povich’, two people going at each other, for a measly few bucks.
I finally took out my wallet, gave her the money and said some expletetive (I won’t say what as I may not come off too good after), and got the hell out of there.
God….. I may sound like a cold, vindictive and heartless bastard right now, and I get the argument completely. The minimum wage sucks here, and people rely on their tip. But what happened to the ‘customer is always right’.
I don’t expect perfection. Yesterday I had a waitress called ‘Molly-Ann’, giggle prefuriously every time I wanted a glass of ‘Sauvignon Blanc’, as she couldn’t pronounce it for the life of her. It’s not her fault….. fine New Zealand wines are rare in her hometown of ‘Alabama’……. And she was so endearing, I gave her an extra few bucks, so she could experience the wine for herself.
I had a taxi driver called ‘Steve’, who went the extra mile for me, was so kind, funny, and expected nothing. He didn’t interrupt my conversations but was so informative. He was hygienic and took pride in his cab. He didn’t impose his political or religious beliefs, and was genuinely excited to meet a ‘foreigner’, and wanted to know what life was like ‘Down Under’. He gave me his card, and on most of my trips, he was there for me. Return Business. Good Business. And he restored my faith in the ‘taxi driver’, because for anyone who has been to Las Vegas vouches for, good taxi drivers who are not in it for a scam are hard to come by. ‘Steve’ deserved every extra cent I gave him, and I gave him well above the recommended gratuity every time.
As for ‘Shamona’.
Bloody ‘Shamona’.
How is she ever going to learn anything in life, if money is just handed to her, and not earned? Where are some of these kids going wrong?
Is it because they are not being properly educated? I grew up with parents who would give me a hiding if I didn’t finish a sentence with a ‘please’ or a ‘thankyou’. But I guess, what can you expect when you consider a life lesson to be like an episode of ‘The Hills’, where Heidi Montag can get through life via a Visa Platinum Card (OK God, you got me there….. you know I really do love ‘The Hills’ and download it off ‘iTunes’ weekly…… I really hope Heidi breaks up with that Spencer Pratt soon, and LC needs to do something about the eyebrows man…… wow……… did I just go on a tangent or what……. And did I just call ‘God’ “man”?)
I want that ‘Shamona’, and all the Shamona’s of the world to know, that she can have her 5 extra dollars…. But she will never see me again. And I’m sure that others will never return to that ‘Bird Shack’ again. And even though my saliva glands are working over time at the thought of biting into that succulent breast of deep fried, tenderness, and crispy skinned Chicken, topped with juicy morsels of mango and pineapple, with a hint of cilantro and lime juice, on top of that creamy Garlic Kumara Mash……. Mmmmmm…….. That Chicken was damn good…… I ain’t never stepping into that restaurant again. (Unless they read this, and offer me a free meal on a night ‘Shamona’ is at home, bitching to her boyfriend while catching up on ‘Grey’s Anatomy’)
And God….. Please don’t get me started on why they don’t include the tax in the advertised price!!!!. But I better stop now, as I do not want to have a bunch of angry American’s, banish me like Bush.
Until my next dilemma…
Xxx K
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1 comments:
Kieron, good post. Being an American I can tell you that tipping in the US is SOP, for you 'foreigners' that stands for Standard Operating Procedure. And to set the record straight, unless you're a Native American Indian, we're all foreigners and so often that is forgotten.
But I digress. When one grows up in a society where tipping is the norm, it does not seem strange - at first. In the beginning, it was as you had hoped, service was stellar in the US and tips were given in the spirit for which they were intended - for service above and beyond what one would expect. Service personnel were not taxed on their tips back in the day and it was a very different time. Fast forward to twenty years ago...
As the computer chip became cheaper to produce and placed into more and more devices, cash registers that would tell a clerk the amount of change to give back to the consumer were born. American kids no longer had to do simple subtraction when handing people their change and in my mind that was the beginning of the end...
Tip jars began appearing everywhere. The Federal Government, no longer being able to do simple addition and subtraction began taxing service people to make up their own inability to perform simple math. It became customary to see tip jars at:
Take out coffee places, pool halls, fast food joints, blah blah blah. What's next? We laugh about pay toilets on airlines, but that is now a reality on at least one carrier. Perhaps tip jars at your local dentist or OBGYN?
In a highly materialistic society that seems to value profit over all else it does not surprise me that the young woman ran you down to chastise you. Prior to our economic woes entitlement was the attitude that seems to have permeated many world cultures. Perhaps one day we all will return to days when what was common and taken for granted will return. And if by chance that may come to pass, we will never again take that for granted.
Cheers my friend,
Mark
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