TWWBITNBWEC's

Dear God.

Hope you had a great time celebrating Easter!. I feel a tad bloated from the 18 chocolate eggs that I just shoved into my mouth at basically the same time. Considering that I'm lactose intolerant, it means it's the one time of year, where I forget about the ramifications of eating so much dairy, and decide to punish myself and brave the consequences..... I guess.... just like Jesus did.

But my bowel movements is not what I'm writing to you about, God. I have a fear, that until today, I didn't care too much about. Who people are, and what makes them unique is something I have always accepted, despite the differences to my life. But God, there is a growing crop of people who are bugging the living shit out of me. I can tolerate people who are nasty and have no manners, people who are spoilt, people who say 'arks' instead of 'ask' (just barely), people who refer to themselves in the third person, people who think the 'Lowes' commercials are funny, vegetarians, people who wear the Sean P. Puff Diddy Daddy's perfume 'Unforgiveable' (i mean, who would call something that!), people who hang at petrol stations on a friday night in their hotted up cars, people who wear 'crocs', people who use a 'Shania Twain' song as their bridal waltz, people who subscribe for ringtones, people who slurp soup and even people who litter.

But God....... I cannot stand a certain breed of people.

Ever since these 'people' appeared in society, crazy things have been happening..... ice caps are melting, recession has eclipsed the world, bushfires, religious wars, school shootings, Clay Aitken came out, Mickey Rourke was nominated for an 'Oscar', Sarah Palin, Andrew O'Keefe, Australia's Got Talent and Miley Cyrus has a number one single.

Before they arrived, the world was a much simpler place. Everyone was living their lives, with little stress, and little worries...... then BANG!.... no one had a chance to even prepare themselves.

These 'people' are taking over the world, and slowly destroying the very reason for living.

I'm talking about TWWBITNBWEC's...... (Teenagers Who Where Born In The Nineties, But Wear Eighties Clothes).

You know the ones I'm talking about. You see them in packs, wearing their fluro oversized tank tops, cut off jean shorts, scuffs, $2 plastic sunglasses with red rims, hair teased and styled.......... Talking about hitting the town, and using 'rad' to describe things that are cool, while ending their sentence in 'LOVE'S IT... BEYARTCH'.......

I mean...... really...... is that what fashion and music and life has come to.

I for one, am allowed to bitch. I did all the fashion statements. I had a flat top. I used to sew patches on my acid wash jeans. I'd wear a college jacket with the sleeves pushed up. Wore a fluro yellow 'Converse' on the right foot, and fluro blue on the left. I had a smiley face t-shirt. I wore my baseball cap with the rim up at the front to expose my teased fringe. I had a pair of 'Okanooies'. I knew what 'Choose Life' meant, and i certainly knew how to 'Relax'. I wore my 'Batman' logo t-shirt under my denim jacket. I had bandana's in eight different colours and I used to tuck my sweat pants into my socks. I did all the eighties trends and you know why.... because I AM an eighties boy. I saw the whole decade go past. There was not one fad that didn't escape me.

My sister would be drowned in lace and jumping around her room to Madonna's 'Like A Virgin', while I would be in a doctor's outfit miming to Weird Al Yankovic's 'Like A Surgeon'. I cried when I saw the making of 'We Are The World'. I saw 'E.T', 'Flight Of The Navigator', 'Grease 2' & 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit' at the 'Pictures', which is what we used to call instead of the 'cinemas'. I owned a Commodore 64. I had a pair of rollerskates. I remember watching the Opening Ceremony of the Los Angeles 'Olympics'. I owned vinyl records and remember when you could buy 'Cassingles'. I read 'Smash Hits' and 'Hit Songwords' magazines. I knew every word to every BROS song. I collected stickers. I know who Simon Le Bon is. I watched 'Webster' every week. I made up dances to Bonnie Tyler and Genghis Khan. I had a 'Cabbage Patch Kid' called Joshua Sydney that my Dad had to knock out a few other parents to get his hands on, I went 'Blue Light Disco's', I collected 'Smurf' figurines, I was obsessed with 'Young Talent Time', I'd wear my 'Sunglasses At Night'. I ate 'Space Food Sticks', I watched 'Hailley's Comet' blaze across the sky, I set crackers alight on 'Fireworks' night and I went for holidays in Caravan Parks.

So, I have every right to look down on these wannabe's. They can wear their clothes, walk their walks, and talk their talks.... but they will never be 'Eighties' in my eyes. Not when they are attempting to be something from another era, yet still prefer to listen to 'Fall Out Boy' on their 'ipod's'. If they truly wanted to make a statement, they would throw away their digital devices, pop out a 'Walkman' and blast some 'Soft Cell' or 'A-HA'.

They would get rid of their TIVO's and 'Blu Ray's' and dig out their VHS or BETA video players.

They would swap their 'Adam Sandler's' for some 'Ferris Bueller's'.

They would delete their 'Facebook' profiles and get a 'Pen Pal'.

They would discard their 'Soy Chai Latte's' and opt for a 'Chocolate Moove'.

They would take off their tank tops and not wear it again until they have drawn over it with 'Puff Paint' and 'Be-dazzled' the crap out it.

Until this happens, the world is not a safe place. They will continue walking free in this world, creating havoc, and disturbing the natural flow within this fragile habitat we call Earth.

Please God... save me from the TWWBITNBWEC's

xxx K